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“VICIOUS”

In helpless      AND CAN BE ACOLYPSE!

 

80 COMMENTS HOW DO YOU FEEL?

 

28 Jan 2015

 

Hello Jenny. Like you, I am also a mother who is alienated and in shock and disbelief that so far this has been allowed to happen (legally) and worse still, that the slow expensive process is encouraging the opportunity for it to worsen. I am bewildered/appalled at the lack of channels for educated support to prevent this moral crime occurring/continuing. Of course, added to this, is my own dire financial situation, physical/emotional well-being and difficulty focusing fully on anything else in life. Just trying to survive each lonely day is bad enough… a mixture of longing, hurt, tears, anger, flatness and eventually the numbness required to complete daily tasks.

 

A common attack of alienators (particularly men) is to accuse the other parent of being “crazy”...( and perhaps that is what they are secretly hoping we will become by denying us our child/children)….so we have the added pressure of not allowing the pressure to look too obvious to the outside world. Added to this, when we are asked by friends/co-workers etc… how we are or how it is going… we have only the true depressing tale to tell (and risk sounding like whining victims all the time) or we must live a lie and say that everything is fine when it is obviously not.

 

With respect to any good fathers who are without their children… a mother’s bond stretches back to well before the child within her was even born….back to every mouthful of food or drink you carefully chose whilst pregnant….back to the possible traumatic birth….back to the days you alone cared for your child’s every need and lovingly held your child whilst you breastfed.

 

Who has the right to attempt to destroy all the years of building such bonds? No court, no possibly misguided therapist, no controlling selfish man!!!

 

Worst of all, you are denied from raising the caring loving child you hoped to and instead, he is raised to bully and disrespect you as much as his keeper does. A shame for not only you, but for himself and society in general. Yes alienation only encourage morally corrupt parents to manipulate a child’s emotions and perspective to their own advantage…and of course to your disadvantage out of vindictiveness.

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 “MADNESS”

M HELPLESS “I wasn’t made for this god awful madness”

 

80 comments How do you feel? - 10 Jun 2014

 

I’m so glad Russell has stepped into this discussion. His powerful insights have helped me tremendously in my own situation, and I believe this kind of perception has been under-represented until now. I’m sure there may be many situations where the kind of approach Karen has been advocating can be helpful…and it is absolutely right to pursue it – but I strongly suspect there are probably more where it will not.

 

I personally believe that the majority of the time what we are dealing with in alienation is an unrecognized mental health crisis. It will have differing levels of manifestation, of course…but that is the common denominator.

 

The question then becomes…how do we deal with this mental health crisis?

 

For example…there appears to be a general assumption (that I have heard repeated from an experienced Family law solicitor, now Judge) from that we are dealing with two people who once loved each other.

 

I would say, that in the circumstances, would be an incorrect assumption to make. I would suggest that the alienated parent is likely to have loved the alienator – yes…but that the alienator is highly unlikely to have EVER genuinely loved the alienated parent. It has not been a two-way street that has gone wrong.

 

The kind of personality disorder involved means that the incredibly sad reality is that the alienator will simply be unable to express genuine love at all – although ironically they may have a capacity to fake it very well.

 

The fact that they do have the capacity to fake it means that all is NOT lost, however – and that with the right support it IS theoretically possible to step out of those disturbed circumstances, and experience a genuine capacity for love – although in practice this kind of support rarely occurs.

 

The alientor, instead…as has been described so often…is instead typically given massive support and assistance in their alienation strategy – and this is a personal tragedy for themselves as well as the lives they are destroying.

 

Any alienator suffering from the types of mental disorder described (the majority, I believe) will themselves be a victim of tremendous levels of trauma. However, the probability is that they will be unaware of this, or in denial of the impact of this on their lives.

 

One can have all the sympathy in the world…but this simply will not help the victim by itself.

 

The alienator is someone who, because they have been violated in some significant way, will simply not have a proper sense of boundaries as to what is acceptable behavior towards others. They are ‘children in adult clothes’ who still require the firm boundary setting that did not properly occur in their childhoods. It doesn’t matter what age they now are, or how embarrassing this may be, but this is the only remedy possible to restore mental health.

 

In such circumstances it doesn’t matter what the alienated parent does…what tactic they try…nothing they will do will make any difference unless they or someone else has the authority to insist on reasonable behavior.

 

In out highly individualistic, libertarian society we completely shy away from such interventions – which then of course leaves the perpetrators free to run amuck with total impunity. The so-called ‘feminist’ brigade have of course subtly and cynically used this mental health crisis to promote their own hidden agenda of matriarchal supremacy (itself a mental health issue).

 

What proportion of alienation needs to be tackled in this way? From my limited perspective, it is difficult to tell…but from what I hear on this forum…as well as elsewhere, it is a LOT – and probably, as I have suggested, the majority of the time, to some considerable extent.

 

It is a madness…and it is futile trying to REASON with such irrational behavior. Somebody, somewhere, just has to put their foot down – and insist that the abuses of power which are blatantly happening all over the place by alienators are simply not acceptable.

 

In the background of all this – we have a mental health model which has for some time insisted that such health problems are result of deficiencies of nature – rather than nurture. This is absurd – mental health problems are overwhelmingly created in upbringing, and NOT pre-destined. This means that we DO have the potential to put things right…but only if we tackle them in the right way, and that means starting by acknowledging, as Russell (and others in the past) have explained so passionately, the true extent of the problem – in the first place.